* Broken Christmas *

We are in week two of the Christmas Season.  I've had quite a time adjusting to our new place and settling in making it "feel" festive.  In all honesty I have felt a bit broken this Christmas season.  Christmas felt broken too.  I didn't understand why I felt so emotional and why my heart ached so badly.  I decorated the tree, made ginger bread houses, played the music, and decorated the house.  Something about it all seemed "off".  I didn't want to face the reality of what was making my heart break.  It all felt broken because this is the first Christmas that my grandmother isn't here on earth to celebrate with us.  
I was praying this morning and talking to God about how "broken" it all felt and how much I missed her.  I asked him to fill my heart with joy, to show my children that Jesus came long ago to bring us all; Hope, Love, Peace and Joy especially during this season.  I know that I am not alone in this, I know for many Christmas brings out many emotions (not always good) and sometimes they are too hard to bear them alone.  It's okay if you feel sad, it's okay if you feel alone and it's okay if you feel like Christmas is broken or not the same this year.  The truth is that you're not alone.  God cares about you and wants to fill your heart with his gifts of Hope, Love, Peace and Joy.  I'm grateful for a God who loves me even when my attitude or actions don't reflect his love in me.  I am grateful for the family who I have here with me and that I can love on them and make new memories with.  I am grateful that my sweet grandmother is at peace and basking gloriously in God's presence.  I am grateful for the moments and the treasures I have stored in my heart when I think of her.  No matter how broken my heart may feel, Christmas isn't broken.  

 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so 
that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit". 
Romans 15:13

This was last year.  The last Christmas I would ever spend with her.